On the lighter side...
As Rome burns, we need not fiddle and you proved that in the last few days with your outstanding efforts to influence legislators regarding the bailout. Although we lost the fight, the fault line between the people's voices and the corrupting power of political influence became crystal clear in the eyes of millions of our fellow citizens as a result. That may be more important long term as we seek to change our politics and our politicians. This is serious business, but we need not always be serious. So I give you a lighter look at the financial turmoil with some old terms redefined to fit our new economic reality: NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. Categories: Finance Tags: Showing comments 1—6 of 6
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